


talk to me without a sound

by itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN (alex_marie1324)



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Anger, Angst, Flower meanings, Flowers, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I’m pretty gay for Christine and it’s kinda shows whoops, Language of Flowers, M/M, Unrequited Love, a lot of lying, how many authors can one story handle?, kind of, lying, more lies than in a doll house, welp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 13:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14045250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_marie1324/pseuds/itsfromjapaAAAAAAAN
Summary: Jeremy had made so many mistakes. He couldn’t pinpoint the first mistake of his entire life, but he could start on mistakes he’d made with his relationship with Michael. Starting with the Squip, but extending to a consistent issue now.Lying.





	talk to me without a sound

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [three times michael said i love you to jeremy in his basement and the one time jeremy said it back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485524) by [cranks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranks/pseuds/cranks). 
  * Inspired by [three times jeremy said he loved michael and the one time he didn’t](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12027825) by [florfering](https://archiveofourown.org/users/florfering/pseuds/florfering). 



> uhhhh I should be?? Updating my multichapter fics? But instead here I am writing a sequel to a sequel no one even asked for. Both of the fics that lead up to this are pretty old. I don’t have an excuse other than I suddenly remembered they existed and god I just really wanted more so I made more.
> 
> title is from ‘I don’t wanna dance’ by Hey monday

Jeremy had made so many mistakes. He couldn’t pinpoint the first mistake of his entire life, but he could start on mistakes he’d made with his relationship with Michael. Starting with the Squip, but extending to a consistent issue now.

Lying.

He’d never been one to lie. Especially not to Michael. But he didn’t want to break his best friend’s heart, so he told him he loved him too. But then the guilt built heavy pyramids in his chest and he _had_ to break his best friend’s heart.

What was worse was how casual Michael was about it around him. He wasn’t sure how to react, fight or flight response on high. Anytime they hung out after that, Jeremy felt the air hang heavy, tempting him to run or confront the silent issue. 

The issue being that now he was lying to himself. He wanted to wrap his arms back around Michael and kiss him and claim his as _his_ again. But it didn’t make sense. He was the one to suggest breaking up. Because he didn’t love Michael.

Did he?

It became an issue when anytime he was around Michael, he felt something ache in his veins. Michael acted… perfectly okay. As if Jeremy hadn’t broken his heart. 

Jeremy couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep looking at Michael smiling, knowing that that smile no longer reached his eyes because of him. 

“Micah,” Jeremy started. Michael flinched. They weren’t playing any game, but they had been a few minutes ago, so Jeremy fiddled with the joystick. “I’m sorry.”

Michael tried to smile easily, but it simply wasn’t there. It was an expression Jeremy knew too well. “What for, Jeremy?” 

That was another issue. They didn’t call each other nicknames anymore. Jeremy hadn’t called him Micah since breaking up. He should’ve known it would hurt when he said it this time.

And then came the question: what was he really sorry for?

“Everything.”

Michael looked away. Jeremy wished he knew what was going on in his mind. “Don’t worry about it,” but his voice was wobbly. “Let’s just go back to Mario or something,” Michael spoke quickly, standing up in one swift, jerky motion. Jeremy didn’t miss the split second Michael’s knees buckled and he almost fell.

“Okay.”  
——  
“Chris, I need help,” Jeremy groaned, dropping his face onto the table. 

“I know,” she said understandingly, petting his hair. It was hard for everyone not to love her on some level, she was magnetic. 

“I think I do love him.”

“Yeah?” Christine didn’t seem particularly surprised. He wondered what she knew about his own feelings that he couldn’t yet understand.

“And I feel awful for it.”

“Yeah,” she kept petting his hair.

“So what do I do?” He finally asked in desperation.

She took a deep breath.  
——  
Standing beside Michael’s locker, Jeremy felt like a criminal. 

With some help from Rich, they broke into Michael’s locker and he set a bouquet on top of the mess. He always met Michael next to his locker at the end of the day. And he felt like a rebel.

Michael came walking up. Jeremy noticed a while ago- perhaps after the Squip, but maybe it came back when they dated- Michael no longer seemed to bounce with each step he took. 

“Hey, Jeremy.”

“Hi, Michael,” he wrung his guilty hands.

Michael didn’t seem to notice and simply opened up his locker like normal. There was a small gasp, presumably seeing the bouquet.

Jeremy heard the plastic crinkle as Michael lifted them up and looked them all around. Trying to figure out who they were from.

“Weird.”

Jeremy felt his stomach plummet.

“Maybe they put these in the wrong locker, the girl beside me has a boyfriend. Maybe he got them for her but forgot which locker is it they eat face beside.”

Jeremy’s chest hurt. He couldn’t tell Michael that the flowers were definitely for him. He couldn’t tell Michael how each flower meant something and Michael deserved them. (White and yellow chrysanthemums, daffodils, and one purple hyacinth. The petals fell from the bouquet onto the floor.)

“Yeah, maybe.”  
——  
Despite Michael’s obliviousness, Jeremy wasn’t yet defeated. He refused to give up.

The next step, though, had to be more obviously for Michael. Something unique. 

With the help of the rest of the squad, and a healthy disregard for skipping class, they put tons of pixel-heart-shaped notes in Michael’s desk of his next class.

Jeremy had the pleasure of seeing his face heat up at the sight.

“Jeez. Someone’s really persistent, huh?” Michael mumbled, picking up one of the notes. Each one addressed Michael by name and told him something amazing about him. Michael’s face flushed even more and he crumpled up the heart.

Jeremy didn’t know what that meant.

Michael swept them all up off his desk and directly into a trash can without reading another one.  
——  
“I don’t think this is working,” Jeremy sighed. “I don’t think anything I do can make up for what I did anyway…”

“Jeremy…” 

“Christine, it’s just— he seems upset about it!” Jeremy waved his arms. “He’s aware that he has some secret admirer and he seems _irritated!_ ”

“I think you should move past the secret stage. He’s tired of being kept in the dark.”  
——  
“Michael,” Jeremy spoke as firmly as he could. Michael still flinched. He reached over and grabbed Michael’s hand, running his thumb over his knuckles like he hadn’t done since breaking up. Like he wanted to do when breaking up.

Michael seemed to want to pull his hand back. But he didn’t.

“Jeremy?”

“I lied,” and the words felt so relieving. 

“A-About?” Michael finally did take his hand away, setting it in his lap and looking down at his own hands. Jeremy felt cold.

“Loving you.”

Michael’s body started to shake.

“But-But I _fell_ in love with you. And by the time I understood that it was too late and I’d already-”

“Stop.”

“Michael?”

“Just… just stop, Jeremy,” Michael shook his head, a hand under his nose as he sniffled. 

Jeremy was silent.

“Do- I mean, do you think this is romantic? Is this your attempt at romance? Cos-cos _fuck you_ ,” Michael said with an almost laugh, a bitter scoffing sound. “I could’ve lived without knowing that.”

“Wh-”

Jeremy hadn’t expect this. He hadn’t considered the fact that Michael wouldn’t want the truth.

There were streaks on Michael’s cheeks. Jeremy fought the urge to reach out and wipe them off.

“God,” Michael was shaking more. “I should go,” he stood up, but this time when his knees buckled, he fell. Jeremy couldn’t stop the flinch response to catch him. But the second his hands touched Michael, Michael inhaled and shoved them off like Jeremy was made of fire.

Jeremy pulled his hands away.

“Was it you?”

“What?”

“The-the-” Michael waved one hand in a circle, “the flowers and the hearts and the stupid shit,” Jeremy nodded mutely. “God,” Michael shook his head as he attempted to stand back up. Jeremy knew Michael was already upset, so he figured he had nothing to lose and grabbed his wrist.

“Please don’t go.”

“Don’t touch me,” Michael yanked his wrist free. “You-” he seemed to choke on the word. “You _lied_ to me.”

“I know.”

“I thought- god, I really thought-”

Jeremy closed his eyes. “I know.”

“And now you want me to believe you?” The disbelief was clear.

So that was why Michael was upset. Jeremy opened his eyes. “I- Its- I’m telling the truth, Micah.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Right,” Jeremy’s eyes fell downcast.

“Right.”

“But I mean it. I want- I need you.”

Michael laughed bitterly. “So that’s it,” he mumbled to himself, “you think you _need_ me.”

“I don’t—”

“Well I needed at least the _illusion_ that you loved me!” Michael’s voice cracked. So did Jeremy’s heart. The sobs were finally starting to take over Michael’s frame. “I needed to believe that you just- fell out of love.”

“Isn’t it better that I fell _in_ love?”

“No.” 

Everything was going wrong. The way Jeremy couldn’t have predicted.

“No- no, because you fell in love with someone already hopelessly in love with you. Someone you were lying to. You fell in love out of guilt.”

Jeremy couldn’t deny it. 

“I’d rather have had our relationship just-” Michael made a sweeping motion with his hand, “run its course. That happens. What doesn’t- or _shouldn’t_ \- happen is someone lies about being in love in the first place. What the fuck, Jeremy?”

“I’m so sorry.”

Michael seemed to deflate. “I know.”

“And?”

Michael closed his eyes. “I forgive you.”

“What?” Jeremy’s head was spinning.

“I- I forgive you.”

“But- But I-” Jeremy sputtered.

“I- I love you.”

It felt wrong to accept. On some moral level, Jeremy knew it was wrong. But his heart. His heart wanted it.

“I love you too.”

And this time, he was telling the truth. 

He just wished he knew if Michael was.

**Author's Note:**

> mcuhhhhh the flower?? meanings??
> 
> white chrysanthemums- truth and loyal love  
> yellow chrysanthemums- slighted love  
> daffodils- unrequited love  
> purple hyacinth- ‘I’m sorry please forgive me’


End file.
